To come back to today, which was the cause for me to put my emotions on 'paper'

Firstly, I had a very tough day with business today, that is a long story.

My friend phoned, and we do not speak much over the phone, but we do chat via BBM almost every day. Another client related issue was shared and discussed with me. But then we started talking about the pregnancy and I mentioned in a jokingly way that I do not get the same attention from hubby and in the first pregnancy. Whilst we were talking, I realized it has actually been bugging the sh!t out of me!
Hubby does not come and touch the tummy or talk to baby or even give me much compliments. These are all things he did with the first pregnancy!
When peanut kicks and boy, this little one can kick! I would touch and rub my tummy, then only he would ask is everything ok? As if . . . really, con't you get off your ass and show some interest and touch and feel the tummy?
Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me and our new baby, but like I said, this was a very emotional day for me.
I have not had any emotional outburst during this pregnancy, no hormonal issues, I am/was so lucky.
Now as I sit here and type, my eyes are filled with tears and I can not even see the screen properly!
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Ok, gone for a pee, washed my face and now I can carry on.

What has hit the me most today is that I do miss that feeling of being adored by hubby. That extra attention from him.
I really miss that, and it makes me feel alone in this pregnancy. I do not have many friends to talk to about it [I have, but that is a story for another day] I don't want to share my feelings of rejection from my hubby, because I do not want to make him look bad, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, so when I was busy on the phone with my friend, I got teary and had to really work hard to get my words out, because I was crying so hard, more on the inside than out.
He saw the tears and hear what I said about the lack of attention and asked me about it. When I started to talk to him about it, this first thing he said was it is my hormones. Can you fucking believe it? My hormones? God, yes, it is hormones, I am 24 weeks pregnant, but that is not the main reason for my tears! You are mister, it is you! I am allowed to have an off day once in a while. So that conversation did not go very far. I just shut down, pushed my sunnies tight on my face and cried inside.

I don't know if you reading this will understand much of what I am feeling, but maybe you fee the same.
It hurts being married with a child and still feel alone, is that really possible? Yes, ask me, it is possible to feel alone with a family around you.
Peanut is kicking so hard now, it actually makes a knob on the one side.

I am gonna take a break now and watch some TV. Come back and read some more tomorrow or later or when ever. I want to still talk out our sex life

So where do I start?
First things first, if you are not ready for brutal honesty, then stop reading now!

I have two online businesses and hubby and I have been working together for many, many years.
Something we could manage to do without wrecking our relationship.

Well, I am a mom of a 6 year old and happily married. We were trying for a second child for a while. I eventually fell pregnant and we were totally over the moon!

Being 40, my blood tests came back with a high risk for Down Syndrome, 1/17 risk.
That was a shock as you can imagine. We have decided if there would have been something wrong with peanut, that we would abort and try again. So we went for an amnio and the results were good!
Our pregnancy was safe, no need to worry or try and prepare yourself for a negative outcome.
Peanut was fine!

So the days pass and I did not feel very pregnant, no morning sickness, no mood swings, nothing.

Now I am 24 weeks and the bump has been growing and I look and feel pregnant! For about two or so months I have been battling with restless legs at night. Now I do not go to bed very early and as we know it hits you just before you want to rest.
I have often asked hubby to rub my legs or my back, but every time 'we' had a long face and oh my god that made me feel like I was a burden. I promised myself I will not ask him a damn thing again. Stubborn, yes I know, but that is me.
Waking up three, four, five times a night to go pee and move the legs a bit. As much as it bothers me, I will not ask for help, and guess what?? Yes, you guessed right, hubby also did not even offer.
The only time he thought of offering to rub me, was when I mentioned to him how bad his attitude made me feel. Worthless to say the least.
But I guess men don't really give a sh!t, because the are not carrying the baby and does not understand what a woman's body feel like. But I have to add, with our first born, things was a lot different! Probably because it was the first and it was a new experience, therefore 'we' were more hands on. Now with the second pregnancy, it is old news, been there don that.
Why should I try and make my wife feel special or appreciated???

Today I had an emotionally hard day and decided to blog about it. It is not always easy to talk to someone else, they might get judgmental and that is one thing I do not want.